Welcome To Jerkycity

Jerkycity is Atma's main food/cooking branch where you, the person reading this, can potentially order homemade turkey jerky or hot sauce and have it mailed to you for what amounts to far less than store-bought brands. It's all a lot tastier and healthier, too, to boot.

All Jerkycity jerky is made out of turkey breast. Atma herself is allergic to beef and cannot digest it, but finds turkey to come out almost exactly like beef does in the end and takes to the same flavors just as well. Most hot sauces use a fresh jalapeno and serrano mash as a base, with variant ingredients listed by flavor/heat level. All ingredients come from local sources in the Northern California Sonoma-Napa Wine Country, an area famous for its food and farm culture.

Jerky takes a day to buy the ingredients for and prep + 24 - 48 hours to marinate, then another half a day to dry.

Hot sauce takes a day to buy the ingredients for and prep + 5 - 7 days to ferment the mash, then another half a day to boil/add vinegar and seal in a sterilized jar.

After that, it is packed and mailed to you directly. I will keep you posted on progress the whole time. Shipping times vary by weight and customer location; add more money/time for shipping if you live outside of the USA.

Jerky is $20 US per flavor + shipping. One flavor is a 3lb breast cooked down to 1lb dried.
Hot sauce is $5 US per jar + shipping. A jar is 8oz.
Shipping will be determined upon order completion and packing and varies depending on location both inside and outside of the USA. Expedited available.


JERKY FLAVORS BY JERKYCITY MEATS

DRIED MEAT
The original and the base of all other flavors. A smokey teriyaki with herbs, a small amount of black pepper, and our "secret" ingredient: sweet and mild sticky Thai style chili sauce. The chili sauce gives it a good, sticky, sweet peppery flavor without killing your mouth and helps the other flavors stick to the meat and your ribs both. Perfect for anyone's palette, it also cures an empty stomach and has been known to help recruit feral children to your party. Just be wary of waterfalls and ghost trains.

BELMONT'S BOUNTY
The basic plus 50 crushed cloves of garlic. You're not reading that wrong. Guaranteed to keep Dracula out of your family's business for centuries, or at least until a sequel comes along.

INDIAN CURRY
The basic plus a heaping dose of curry powder and the essentials like garam masala. It's almost sure to curry favor with you.

HONEY SRIRACHA
The basic plus a whopping dose of both honey and Sriracha sauce. The Huy Fong original only, none of that cheap imitator stuff. Guaranteed to get everyone to agree you have one sweet cock.

THAI
The basic plus an amazing blend of coconut, lime juice, and basil. A savory and sweet sensation guaranteed to Thai you up and throw away the key.

THANKSGIVING
The basic plus cinnamon, baking spices, and dried cranberries. All you're missing is the potatoes and gravy, and maybe your aunt's bizarrely racist tirades, but I think you'll forgive me for leaving that last one out.

HONNOUJI HOEDOWN
The absolute spiciest and hottest stuff on the market, using only the most pure of extreme chili oils and fresh and California sun-dried stuff at least at habanero heat level minimum. The rest is a combination of the Honey Sriracha and Basic, and the added blaze on top will make you wish that someone would come burn you down in a temple too just to get rid of the pain. Feel the Oda Noburn!

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE
Something here not catching your eye? Want to make me have some fun and work a bit harder for my money? How do you think most of these ingredients came to be? Daring customers like yourself set forth flavor challenges I met, coming up with all sorts of wild flavors that somehow all worked. The main menu is comprised of such experiments. Whatever wild thing you can come up with I will do my best to match; however, this flavor comes with a buyer beware. If you wind up not liking the flavor, you get no takebacks or refunds. This is not an option for those that like to gamble. I can make a bet though that whatever it is you're thinking of, I am more than up to the task and can almost guarantee your satisfaction. Like the others, all CYOA recipes will use the BASIC RECIPE as a base marinade.

ELEANOR SHELLSTROP'S LEAP OF FAITH
For the most daring among us; absolutely entrust the faith and flavor of your batch up to Atma. You get no input beyond potential food allergies; the rest is all your agreed risk and if you don't like it or can't handle it, you assumed this when you signed up and will just have to find some willing soul to take it off your hands. Will it be something off the menu? Something she put together by census input? Only what's local/in season? Something impossible? Something done thanks only to the help of RNG? Is it even going to be jerky? And why are you trusting Atma anyways?


HOT SAUCE BY SAPPHIC SEADOG SAUCES

LADY DRAKE's SCUTTLEBUTT
A mash of serrano and jalapeno peppers with garlic, brown sugar, and lime juice, fermented a week then boiled with vinegar and jarred. Guaranteed to get people talking and moving.

CAPTAIN BLOODWEDTHE'S REVENGE
The Scuttlebutt recipe, but with the added tinge of habanero peppers and ghost pepper oil. Guaranteed to destroy and strip you of your very soul.


F.A.Q.

Q: Can I get an ingredient substitution/exclusion? I'm allergic to/don't like (x)!
A: Absolutely; just let me know in your order what it is and I'll be sure to leave it out, free of charge.

Q: Can I get extra (x) added to my batch?
A: Yup. Just let me know how much or be a fool and trust me to dole it out.